I was brought up
in the country, virtually without TV. It thus seemed normal to me that
a family should sit down to the table at the same time and converse
with one another during meals; that parents would involve their children
in family undertakings such as getting the woodshed full of wood for
the winter, building a terrace or planting a hedge around a corner field;
that people should have family "language" and family jokes.
We read a great deal, listened to music, and played in the woods and
fields. We didn't have a lot of money for toys, but anyone who has had
the experience of damming a stream to make a swimming hole or setting
up a swing knows how much fun you can have without them.
I was fortunate
in that the man I married also felt TV to be a waste of time, and we
have brought up both our sons, now 31 and 17, without it. We live in
a semi-urban setting, a 15-floor apartment building set two-thirds of
the way up a minor mountain with nothing but woods and more mountains
behind it. The children never felt the lack of TV, and found a thousand
different things to do to amuse themselves, both alone and with us.
We have molded and
painted toy soldiers, sewed patchwork, cooked, built models, gardened
(you can grow a respectable crop of tomatoes and peas on a balcony,
not to mention kitchen herbs), looked at the stars, gone for long walks
in the woods, and above all, had "projects." Projects can
be anything from making a fake Zulu shield (bent sapling frame, black
panne velvet "cowhide" with applied white bars), to creating
a perfect calendar with equal length months. Since I sew a great deal,
a frequent project has been making costumes for Hallowe'en or for school
plays. And we have always done a massive amount of reading, which the
children have taken up. I never felt the lack of time to myself, but
I can remember both children playing happily alone in their room, telling
stories to themselves and singing or humming appropriate background
music, or sitting on the sofa reading while listening to music (usually
classical) through earphones.
When speaking with
families who watch a "normal" amount of TV, I am struck by
the fact that they have little to say that does not stem from one program
or another, that their whole lives revolve around a synthetic culture.
I feel like Auntie Mame's heartfelt outburst, "The world is a banquet,
and most poor suckers are starving to death!" Like many of your
other correspondents, I have often had people comment on the unusual
courtesy and good behavior of our children. Both have done very well
in school and both have the ability to stick to a task until it is done
and to discipline themselves. They can also hold a conversation, which
is becoming a lost art.
In airports and
other waiting rooms these days one is often forced to see TV, and I
am disturbed that no one uses good manners, everyone reacts emotionally
and immediately without thinking things out, and violence is the default
reaction at all levels, whether verbal or physical. This is not how
one wants children trained. It also means that adults come to think
that the exaggerated emotional scenes common to soap opera and TV drama
are the norm, and start behaving that way to other people. It is not
just small children who fail to distinguish fantasy from reality.
Any parent who wishes
to improve his child's chances of success should seriously consider
eliminating TV from family life. A child who is well-spoken, polite,
intelligent, well-read, and capable of undertaking creative work on
his own is going to have a significant advantage in today's world.
Jennifer
